When last we connected, dear reader, I had given you a brief overview of my “qualifications” to help you bring forth your inner Goddess. But you wanted more, so here is the nitty-gritty, down and dirty, dark side of what I had to go through to transform. (Hint- You don’t have to suffer as much if you consciously decide to transform by joining us for the Goddess Divine Retreat!)
As a child, I always felt a little different. I was drawn to history and all things “old” far more than others my age. I was fascinated by anything medieval, magical and occult. Having been raised Catholic, any pursuit of the occult interest was, of course, done in secret. As if this weren’t enough, because of certain things like knowing who was calling before the phone even rang and blurting out people’s secrets (that they hadn’t shared with me) and announcing how much I loved a song just before it played on the radio, my mother started calling me her little psychic. My big brother, as big brothers are wont to do, began referring to me as psychotic instead. It was clear (to me) that I was a freak. It was also clear to me that NOT being a freak was desirable. So I began to hide those things that I was naturally drawn to. And I began trying very earnestly to fade into the woodwork. And I accomplished it quite well for many years.
I still dabbled, secretly, from time to time, in occult studies and psychic development and I recall one incident, in my late teens, where I had read some books and created my own Skrying Mirror. This is a divination tool which is generally a dark glass surface conducive to creating a light trance state in the diviner in hopes of producing some image. Here’s a picture of some Skrying Mirrors that I’ve made more recently.
Let me back-track just a little bit. The name of my business (or world-saving entity) is Divining Damoiselle. And, above, I’ve written about “Divination” and the “Diviner”. What are all these words? Many people will tell you that divination = fortune telling, and while that definition contains a kernel of truth, it is not complete. Divination is the practice of communing with the Divine for the purpose of receiving wisdom, insights and needed information. I tell you this now, dear retreat hopeful, because the Divine with which you will commune on this retreat is that Goddess within. Perhaps you’d refer to it as God, as The Universe, as your Higher Self, but that is what it is, simply, the Divine and I will help you to access that deep and infinite power, because I know you will use it to save the world in your own individual way.
Now back to our story. My teenage foray into the world of Skrying and enhancing my “psychic” abilities was rather a successful disaster. I practiced with my mirror and, little by little, I was seeing images. Some of them made sense to me in a symbolic way. Some seemed to give me a little insight into what might be coming. It was all very vague, until one day when I was shown a full-blown vision. It was like watching a movie in Technicolor and surround-sound. It was not a pleasant vision. It involved loved ones, violence and the police. It frightened me to breathlessness. I shared it with no one. And within 3 days of receiving this vision, it played out before my eyes in real life, exactly as shown. I was powerless to change anything or to help the situation at all. In my young mind, I had somehow caused this tragedy to occur. I broke the mirror and discarded it and vowed never to do anything like it again.
And so, I returned to my chameleon-like ways and continued to try to blend in and disappear. Now, as many of you who are identifying with this story may recognize, when a person lives contrary to their true nature and denies their own gifts, this creates a paradox in the human psyche. And that causes trouble. Several things “happened” in my life. Translate this to – I made several (ok numerous!) bad decisions. I began to use alcohol and drugs frequently and then addictively because I wanted to drown out those voices inside telling me that something was not right. I married an overbearing, narcissistic man because this allowed me to absolve myself of responsibility for my decisions, since he was making them all for us.
Want to know how I turned all of this around? Stay tuned for the next blog post! And find out what’s in it for you!